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previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
It happens all the time! It happens all the time! No big deal! Nothing to worry about, everyone!
Should we be worried about that loud crack sound? Are we-
I'm just gonna press these switches here.
How- how far is it to produce, Gru?
Oh, it's a- it's a ways, you know? It's- I don't quite remember. It's been a while. You know, I was a kid when we went with my pa.
Was anyone else under the impression that he'd been there?
Well, yeah- yeah, previously he said,
Oh, yeah, I've been there lots. I know the way. I know the way! Where you going? Come back! I know the way.
I know the way! I do! I know the way! Look, I- look, I see another spot ahead! I'm gonna go up to it!
Ah, you guys catch up!
While you're talking loudly, maybe you could answer, who's after you?
Well, they got a funny name, the brothers. You know, it's just a funny name. It's- it's- it's- it's- it's hysterical!
Ha ha ha ha!
Uh-huh.
Well, they're just called the Scrap Killer, brothers. You know, it's just a funny name.
Come on, buddy, we don't wanna hurt ya!
Alright, I draw the dagger.
You stole me! I told you not to steal me! You stole me!
Oh no, you stabbed him! Oh, you stabbed him in the mouth! I can't believe it!
No, I didn't!
Okay, well, I- I- maybe we go back to, uh, the river?
The ship now sits at the bottom of the river with a flag sticking up out of it that is singed.
But I didn't light it on fire! That wasn't me!
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons! We're a D&D 5th Edition Actual Play Podcast, and I'm your
Dungeon Master, Russ More, and with me today is Karla Maxted!
That is me. I play Neryxious Akra, better known as Lim.
And Tom Laird!
That's me, and I play Moot.
And also, Amy More!
That's not me. Oh no, wait, that is me. And I play Sullivan Sleight!
And back for another week to reprise his role from The End of Time and Other Bothers,
Alba Salick, civilized in the greatest podcast ever, DM2GM, go check it out,
DM2GMcast.com. DM2GM.com. I know my own URL. It's Sean Howard!
I don't know why everyone's looking at me!
Welcome back, Gru. Welcome back.
No one said anything. What the fuck?
What were we supposed to say?
Yeah, we were all business.
Well, you know, normally it's like, I'm blah blah blah, shenanigan shenanigan.
Oh, sure sure sure.
Yeah, that's the thing now.
I said, that's not me.
Where you can find some more shenanigans
is over on Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast. Thanks, Karla.
Tee it up for you.
Yep. Yep. Appreciate that. I need some help tonight, apparently.
Every episode, we dedicate to someone special.
And that someone today, everyone, is Daryl Johnson.
Thanks, special Daryl.
Daryl Johnson.
Special Daryl. What a great nickname you just gave him, Tom.
Well, we established that it was someone special.
Special Daryl.
I think we should add like a fun, quirky adjective to all the people we.
I think we should, but we will not remember by the next time we record.
Challenge accepted.
Also, we've missed 40 other people by this point who didn't get a fun adjective.
Things evolve over time.
I didn't get a fun adjective.
Sean didn't get a fun adjective.
Shiny Sean.
Shiny Sean.
Yeah, that's fun.
And special Daryl.
We got it.
We were almost going for an alliteration.
It evolved then into alliteration after that.
So you want everything to stay the same or you want things to get better, Russ?
Fuck it. Let's play D&D.
Well, I mean, I've cut them off before and it hasn't gone well for me.
And he was like Steve Rowling.
Steve Rowling, over here.
I can't hear you, Tom.
I'm too busy talking.
Moot, Glim, Sully, and Gru stand staring at a sunken ship.
With a flaming flag that has sunken into the river.
Can I ask what the flag was of?
Yeah, like we should have known that, right?
Because we were on that boat for several days.
I mean, we were flying that flag.
I'm just curious what the flag we were flying was.
Well, it's sort of the family.
Because see, those brothers, they sort of owned this boat too.
Oh, so we didn't even take their flag down as we were
riding this stolen property for days.
Oh, Gru.
Oh, Gru.
Yeah.
Well?
I didn't really think about that part, you know?
I'm hedging a bet you didn't think about a lot of this, Gru.
Hey, hey, no, I got us here.
Look, we're on the shore.
We're in one piece.
Yeah, we're on the way to the place.
Bredouk.
We're on the way to Bredouk.
Yeah, Bredouk.
Yeah, we're on the way.
You know, it's not far.
Oh, God.
I think we can all agree that Gru doesn't know we're Bredouk.
No, I don't.
I've never even heard of an onion sandwich and I eat all sorts of weird shit.
Oh, God, he's crying.
He's crying now.
Oh, Moot, Moot, go talk to him.
He's crying.
He's doing feelings and stuff.
All right, all right, I got this.
Uh, okay, Gru, what's the problem?
I don't know.
You ever have one of those days where you just feel like everything's a mistake?
Sure.
Yeah, today is one of those days.
That's, that's, uh, yep, I think we're all there with you.
And then you take that day and you multiply it by 30.
Okay, all right, that's a lot of mistakes.
Uh, what can we do to, to make this better?
Oh, oh, Sully is making like, hit, like, like, kind of, no.
I mean, what can we do to, to get rid of that dagger?
Moot just throws his hands up at Sully like, I don't know what you want.
Take the whey out of that.
It's my only love.
The dagger and me, it's my only relationship, my only thing of meaning in my whole life.
Well, that and my mom, you know.
Okay.
And, and where's your mom?
Oh, she's dead.
Oh, okay.
Great.
Great.
Yep.
Should have seen that one coming.
Okay.
Um, okay.
Well, you know, um, you, you said you know the way to produce.
So maybe let's, let's start making our way there and we can, we can figure out how to
turn your day around.
And he throws a thumbs up back at Sully like, I know this is going to come as a
big surprise, but I don't even know where we are.
Okay.
Yep.
Figured.
All right.
Um, Sully, Glim, any, any suggestions here?
What can we do?
Do we have a map of some kind?
Anybody have a map of some kind?
Wait.
I need to blow my nose again.
Yeah, I do.
I got some map.
I do.
I have a map.
Wait, wait, wait.
It's here somewhere.
It's here somewhere.
Uh, I have an entire map of Scournooble.
Okay.
Um, well, that's where we left from.
So maybe we can see the river exiting Scournooble, I guess.
Yeah, we can see where the river exits.
Like she's saying, yes.
Okay.
Well, um, is there any, is there any directions on the map that like say
like this way to this place?
Uh, yep.
To the east, it says it follows a trail or a road that says to Perdusk.
And then it kind of cuts off really quickly because it is a city map of Scournooble.
And where is the river in relation to that path?
Are they at least, they're both going easterly?
Yes.
Yeah, it runs along the, from what you can see, and as far as the map goes,
it runs along where the trail runs.
Well, I don't know, guys.
Do we go back along the river and get back to Scournooble so we know where we are?
Oh, oh no.
Oh, I don't know if that's a good idea.
We just killed, we all just killed two of the, the Scrap Killer brothers.
I guess I should have clarified maybe when I said we.
It doesn't explicitly exclude you, but it doesn't explicitly include you either, Gru.
Yeah, I know it.
I get you.
I get you.
A hundred percent.
Okay.
A hundred percent.
What if we just, it looks like the road kind of follows the same path.
It's a river.
Maybe we continue walking up river and see what we see.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm not getting the,
I'm not getting back in that thing and adjust her toward the,
on fire sunken raft.
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, we can just keep going easterly, keep following the river.
There'll be another settlement along the river at some point, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That sounds good.
Of course.
Just the three mouths of tears.
But now it is probably dark, right?
It's getting there.
Maybe we walk.
How far away are those dead bodies?
Like an hour?
An hour.
Why did you want to use them for like kindling?
I wanted to make sure we hadn't walked like 30 feet away and then we're like,
I guess we'll just set up camp here.
That bugbear is probably full for a while.
We should probably head up river a little bit till we find a spot to set up camp right
here beside this sunken yet on fire raft and hear the dead body.
It seems like a bad choice.
We should probably just remove ourselves from these kind of situations.
Yeah.
I agree.
Yeah.
We cut to a couple hours later.
Probably you would walk away following the river.
We want to get a good distance.
There's a little alcove.
You've made a clearing, started a fire, set up your bedrolls
and are set up ready to camp for the night.
Hey, Gru.
Yeah?
Do not unsheat that dagger while we are sleeping.
Yeah, no, I, yeah, no, sorry, you know, if just once why I want to make sure she can
breathe is all, you know, I'm like super serious right now.
If I wake up to a fucking shop object singing, I'm not going to be happy.
Yeah, no, I got that.
So I got it.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm going to make flapjacks in the morning.
I'm a good cook.
I'm going to prove to you all.
I'm going to make breakfast.
Okay.
So watches, anybody keen to take first watch?
Keen to take first watch?
I can go first.
Are we letting this guy take a watch?
No, no, we are definitely not.
No, I think he sleeps till breakfast.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, he'll prove his worth at breakfast with those flapjacks.
I feel like he's probably already sleeping.
He like snuggled up with the dagger against his face.
He said his thing about breakfast and then just fell asleep.
Okay, moot, roll me a straight d20.
15.
Nothing really happens of any note.
You see some small animals kind of come out of the forest and move towards the river.
There's like badgers, small mice that kind of run around.
Are you writing down like every animal you see?
I'm curious.
I believe moot is keeping a tally of every animal that he sees.
So you see two badgers, eight mice.
You do see a fox.
There's two or three owls that kind of move around the trees you see up in the sky.
So you have to cross off the tally marks that he did for the mice
when the owl swooped down and eat them.
Oh, down to seven.
Yep, that's fair.
And your watch comes to an end.
Okay, I'll take next watch.
Swapsies happens.
D20, please.
17.
Uh, you, you wake up and swap with moot and stretch and get ready for the night.
And a couple hours goes by.
You see more of the same of what I described for moot.
Lots of nocturnal creatures kind of scurrying about,
avoiding the camp and the low fire that you have going.
But then between that second and third hour, you hear a crackle.
Coming from just above the tree line.
And you look up and you see like lightning
shooting across and starting to spin in the sky.
Uh, okay.
Well, yes, I'm just going to watch that happen because.
Well, you're not going to run toward it and try to stop it.
And hold your war pick up and try and conduct.
Oh, yeah.
Thor this ship, do it.
Exactly.
It begins to swirl faster and faster.
And as it does, you hear echoes of screaming beyond what this vortex is creating.
You see a red light begin to emanate from it.
And it's like approaching us or still up above the trees.
It's still in the same spot, just kind of growing in size.
Uh, guys, guys, guys, you should.
No, I have a really, no, I have a really good internal time.
It hasn't been three hours.
You're right.
But there's a thing.
And so I'm on watch.
It's like, warn us if there's a thing, not just to just deal with whatever the thing is.
Sure. What's up?
Just look exactly.
Just look up.
What?
Oh, what'd you do?
I didn't do anything.
I was just sitting here.
That wasn't there when I was here.
No, I.
That looks magic is all balls.
I saw two or three owls earlier.
Nothing like the owls caused this.
I don't think so.
Do you think that's a fire owl?
Oh, does such a thing exist?
I mean, maybe.
Keep it down.
Some of us are sleeping.
Well, there's like a big.
Oh, yeah, grew wake up.
As you're as you're all starting, you know, grews last to wake up.
The three of you are up and looking at this.
It's swirling and you hear the screaming more present
and the red light begins to emanate.
And like this black like Icarus begins to come from it
in an explosion of energy.
A flesh.
Mounded.
Monster comes erupting out of this hole
and strikes the ground about 20 feet from you.
A fleshy man monster and like splattery.
Fleshy man.
It's like molded.
It's got two legs, one small arm, one long arm.
I don't like that small arm, baby hand business
that has on the end of the longer arm.
It like extends and contracts and has teeth at the end
where its fingers are.
Oh, it's so ugly.
It's face is just like falling apart
and it looks at you and just screams.
Roll for initiative.
Oh, my God.
I sure hope the dagger is a fun song.
Nineteen.
I rolled a one.
Nice.
Exciting.
You guys, I think my dice have finally changed their mind
because I think they just needed a home
and now they're very happy.
I think I have her.
I have Amy's dice eight.
Oh, I got an eight as well.
We both have Amy's dice.
So you guys can decide who goes first each round.
Sean can go first.
Great.
Okay.
The fleshy demon monster is up first.
They rolled better than I did?
You bet it did.
It charges towards Sully.
Uh-huh.
Naturally.
Oh, that's a nat 20.
Fuck.
And goes to bite you with its hand mouth.
Don't you have some kind of like-
Can you dodge it?
That's-
Yeah, I was going to say don't you have some kind of-
Oh, you can't on a nat 20, I guess.
Aren't you anti hand mouth?
You're going to take 12 piercing damage
and succeed on a constitution saving throw.
I never succeed on throws.
That's an eight.
So you are now poisoned.
Cool.
At the end of each long rest,
the poisoned target can repeat the saving throw,
ending the effect on itself on a success.
If the target is reduced to zero hit points
while poisoned in this way,
it dies and instantly transforms
into a living abyssal wretch.
Guys, I'm three points away.
Heal me of my poison.
Uh, so it is your turn
and at the beginning of your turn,
you must make a wisdom saving throw.
Oh my god.
A negative one.
10.
Uh, now you can take your turn.
Thank you.
I'm going to hit him in that face hand with my rapier.
That was a nat one.
Amy's back.
She never left, Sean.
I was here the whole time.
But I have a plus seven.
Does it matter?
So what, so what did you get?
Eight.
I mean, a nat one, a nat one.
Okay, so what's the worst thing
that can happen here, everybody?
She trips and falls over.
Sean, you're so kind.
She somehow impales herself on the face.
I didn't say impale.
I said trip and fall over.
Can you impale yourself on a hand, Tom?
Get your head out of your ass.
When it's a face hand, maybe.
You go reach out to stab the creature
but slip on some of the ooze that's dripping off
and you fall to the ground.
You're like right underneath it
as it's dripping down on top of you.
Gru, you're up next.
Yeah, that's not okay.
Sully!
Gru draws the singing sword, which sings.
Anybody?
It's disgusting.
Let's stab it.
And because the creature is in within five feet of an enemy,
I'm going to go for sneak attack.
Okay.
That is a 17 to hit.
That will hit.
That is three plus four is seven.
Oh, wait, but I do 3d6, an extra 3d6.
So seven.
Okay.
So Gru comes screaming, it's Sully!
And does another.
So seven plus 13.
This thing lets out a hideous scream
and it like pulls you in close with its one tiny arm
and is like just screaming and spittle is coming in your face.
This is definitely not social distancing.
Oh, and I should say that Gru has his eyes closed
as he's trying to stab.
Of course.
Yeah, naturally.
Yeah, I can basically do a...
I can disengage as a bonus action.
Okay.
So you're moving away.
Well, I'm standing over Sully, but yeah, I don't know.
Maybe I don't.
No, I just sit there trying to stab it.
Okay, perfect.
This episode of Dumbgeons and Dragons
is brought to you by Hey, It's Jolly Entertainment.
You can purchase their new novel The Veiled Monarch
on Amazon, Kindle, and coming soon to audible.com
or visit heyitsjolly.com to get your copy today.
Humans always tell me they think it's easier to be non-human.
They don't know what it's like to be one of us,
how difficult it is to keep your head above water.
You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?
Faulkner looked back over his shoulder.
Not a clue.
I believe you have a mole.
Vince flew at Faulkner, grabbing his shirt collar.
Yes, I'm angry.
I love them.
You love them too.
Constance was like a sister to you.
You call Robert your nephew.
Leo and I both struggled against Faulkner and Brian.
Our minds and emotions were in such a state
that we didn't know what we were doing.
All we could think of was getting back inside that room
and killing Jacob Stewart.
Dad, Brian, please!
Get The Veiled Monarch on Amazon, Kindle,
and coming soon to audible.com
or visit heyitsjolly.com to get your copy.
Moot, you're up next.
So you've got Sully underneath,
you've got Gru blindly stabbed,
Sully underneath, you've got Gru blindly stabbing
as this thing is screaming in Gru's face.
I'm gonna cast Chill Touch on this thing.
Okay.
So I hit it with a ranged spell attack.
Is there any vocal part of this?
And do you come up to it like,
I said brr, it's cold in here.
There must be some moot in here.
Must be some weird flesh golems in the air.
The dagger picks it up,
it's like we'll kill it and stab it
and make it feel good.
Oh wee, oh wee, oh wee, ice, ice, ice.
It's gonna pump our gas someday.
This episode brought to you by...
Bring it on.
Yeah, so I throw out my hand to use this skill
that summons a ghostly skeletal hand.
But instead of that happening,
a firebolt leaves my hands
and goes streaking towards this weird fleshy thing.
Okay, what do I gotta do for firebolt?
I had to roll a spell attack,
so I hit it so it should be fine.
You take 1d10 fire damage.
Okay.
Oh, that's a 10.
And anything flammable that it might be wearing,
which I don't think is wearing anything,
gets ignited.
What about the goo?
Does the goo get ignited?
It hits, and the goo that covers its skin evaporates,
but the skin beneath isn't singed.
Nobody likes you right now.
I know.
Roll to see if you roll on your table.
Oh, right.
Are we going with just the 5% chance?
Yeah, we'll do what we talked about last time
where if you don't get it, it bumps up.
Okay.
That's a 5, so it should be good.
So now, next time, if you roll a 1 or a 2.
Okay.
The stakes are high.
Glim!
It's like the lottery.
Okay, well, fire breath weapon seems like not the best choice
because it doesn't seem to be working,
so I, as an attack,
am going to just come at it with my war pick,
which is a 14.
14 will hit.
Okay, great.
And that will do 13 damage.
And then, as a bonus action,
I would like to cast Shield of Faith.
So a shimmering field will appear
and surround my friend Sully
and give him plus 2 to AC.
Okay, I'm going to stack this
so that you cast your Shield of Faith
as you, like, fly down with this war pick
and then tell me how this thing dies.
Well, I mean, it must look kind of magical
because I'm flying through the air,
basically, with my war pick
and there was just some fire
and there's my very Glimery
and then also this Radiance Burst
from my Shield of Faith that I just cast.
So it looks...
Hella dope, I do believe.
It was staged in an action film.
Furious...
Yeah, like a furious angel
just destroyed this flesh monster.
And it, like, explodes into this goop
that just rains down on top of Sully.
It's set up.
It's in my mouth.
It's in my mouth.
Oh.
Oh, my friend.
Oh, my goodness.
I'm so sorry.
Let me...
Oh, it's horrible.
It just...
It smells.
It tastes worse than it smells.
Okay.
Okay.
We're all such fierce warriors,
just, like, dry heaving.
I'm going to put a hand on Sully
and be like,
you don't look so good, buddy.
And lay on hands and give him, like, five hit points.
Okay.
Five teen.
You have to also mark the poisoned condition under conditions.
Oh, fair enough.
No, but lay on hands cures poison.
Well, it's either or.
Oh, I would like you to cure my poison.
Great.
Then your poison's healed.
That also would have been five HP worth.
Because I think that would fuck me up long term.
Okay.
Maybe.
Okay.
Who stole something from the face monster?
Was it you?
Did you steal something from the face monster?
I think we're all looking at Gru here.
I swear.
Never seen him before in my life.
I thought you had done something.
You went right for Sully.
Well, most people do.
It is true.
Sully, did you do anything to this monster?
No, I was sleeping.
I'm very, very threatening.
People just tend to come after me.
My eyes are closed and I'm scraping goo off my face.
I can't really see what's happening right now.
Besides, you're two very tall,
no offense, but probably more intimidating looking friends.
I love it.
I've never seen anything like that before.
Are we in some kind of haunted woods?
Gru, do you know?
I don't know why I'm asking you.
No, I wouldn't know.
Well, I had a map.
Maybe we could check the map of Scornuble
and see if it says this way to the haunted woods.
Oh, wait, I think I gave it to Glim.
Do you guys think this has anything to do
with the stuff that we heard from the boy
that had less ocular appendages than others?
In the graveyard?
Yeah.
Oh, I mean.
Like, it seemed like a gate was opening.
I don't know, I've never seen a gate before.
I've seen a gate before.
Never seen a, you know.
Not an otherworldly gate.
Yeah.
I mean, maybe, but we're not even close.
We're not ready to save the world yet,
so there can't just be gates opening.
I don't know if they're going to wait
until we're ready to save the world, Glim.
Well, they have to because it's my destiny
to save the world.
So if I'm not ready, they can't come yet.
Yeah, but aren't people saving the world all over the place,
like all of the time, though?
Well, I don't know.
I mean, that's a really beautiful sentiment
that I wasn't expecting from you, Sully.
It just came from somewhere inside of me.
I don't know.
But I mean, like, the Decimators of Dragons are doing,
did they're saying-
Oh, yeah, I mean-
Whoa, whoa, okay, wait, I was all on board
until you started comparing yourself
to the Decimators of Dragons.
That's just crazy, crazy.
Come on, they're like the biggest heroes ever.
Though I hear one of them got eaten by a dragon.
Yeah, that was really rough.
I knew somebody who knew somebody who knew Nularaaaa.
It was-
Oh, my God.
No way.
Yeah.
And if I ever see that dragon,
you don't even want to know what I'd do to him
or her or them.
I very much want to know what he'll do to me.
Wait, you know, like, killer stuff.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, okay.
I thought it was going to be a little more,
like, descriptive than that.
Yeah, like-
I'm just saying, I think that everybody,
probably all over the world,
has their own specific destinies,
and maybe the world is meant to be saved
maybe one or two times
before we get around to our chance to save in it, is all.
Oh.
Yeah, I mean, you're probably right.
Everybody does have their own destiny, so-
Yeah, you can be in line after me.
I'm going to save it now,
and you guys can save it next.
I feel like we all just kind of turned
and looked at him at the exact same time.
Well, great.
I'm going to go back to bed.
Yeah, I guess Gru's got dibs on it this time, guys.
Dip in the water over here.
Just kind of rinse off a little bit.
Check it for face monsters!
What?
Check the water for face monsters!
Face monsters?
Yeah!
Like the thing we just fought?
Yeah!
Like that came out of the sky,
out of, like, a lightning cloud?
Yeah, we'll check the sky, too!
Okay, so I guess just be safe,
is what Gru's trying to say.
He just like shakes his head
and walks towards the water.
We cut to the next day.
The four of you,
well, the three of you are walking
quick-paced along the river.
Gru is trailing behind trying to keep up.
So, you guys know how before
I was always doing, like, ice stuff with my wild magic?
Yeah, I noticed you kind of like
all about the hot stuff now.
Can you choose that?
Yeah, I don't know.
That just, I don't know.
I thought maybe you read a book
when we were with wise Mr. Meeseeks or something.
Oh, that'd be totally against the rules.
Mr. Meeseeks would be so mad at you.
Mr. Meeseeks would not have been
so mad at you.
I know he was very clear
about not reading the books,
but I thought maybe you just happened
to read one and you got
all these new powers or something.
No, I mean, maybe it was the trip
on the weird raft?
I'm not sure what happened,
but yeah, just all of a sudden
it's not the ice stuff anymore.
Well, you did say it is wild magic, right?
So who's to say whether or not
it is at all consistent?
Maybe you could do all the magics, Moot.
I feel like I'm being
way too fucking supportive lately.
You guys are rubbing off on me.
Sorry about that, Sully.
And I wink over at Glim like
we're not sorry.
I'm sorry about the pancakes, everyone.
No, wait up for me.
I said I'm sorry.
To make up for my nices, I yell by.
Everything is your fault.
Everything.
I'm gonna make it up for your lunch.
I'm gonna make sandwiches.
We don't really want onion sandwiches.
Yeah, I'll make something else.
Okay, maybe we'll come to a town.
Yeah, I hope we come to a town.
I'm sure.
I'm sure we're gonna.
We can't be far away now.
Yeah, yeah.
Grew from behind.
You look back down the river
and you see it kind of bends out.
You see another raft kind of rounding a bend
and ducking back behind the tree line.
Suddenly I'm with the group.
Hey guys, I think we should pick it up a little,
you know, get those legs moving.
You know, let's double time.
I'm like literally almost
practically sprinting right now.
Yeah, well, I think we should keep that up.
Yeah, you know, just keep a good pace.
Grew, I've noticed when you start acting weird,
something bad's about to happen.
So you want to just maybe fill us in
before it happens this time?
Yeah, no, nothing.
You know, I just may have seen, you know,
another raft with, you know,
the rest of the family on it.
So we should probably make good time
and get to that next town.
As you say that you come to the end edge
of where the forest kind of wraps back around itself
and you see up and over a hill,
the edges of what looks like a large city.
Oh, thank God.
I told you, look, Grew,
I deliver in the end, right there.
Do you know what city this is?
That was some refreshing honesty from Grew.
Okay, so.
But it is a city.
He's right about that.
I'm going to look and see if we're there.
Pretty close or not so close or?
You can see quite a ways
based on how the river is kind of bending.
It's kind of ducking in and out of the tree line.
It would probably be to you
in about 20 or 30 minutes based on.
And how far are we from the city?
Allow me to triangulate.
Oh, hmm.
Or allow me to ask you to triangulate.
GPS.
Unfortunately, you're going to be like
five feet short of being able to get there
before they reach you.
So, but only Sully's going to die.
So it's okay.
I mean, if you booked it,
you'd probably get there pretty close,
you know, just before they were able to catch up to you or.
I mean, I guess if we're still walking in
and they're coming up the river,
even if they get to the shore,
like we're still going to be ahead of them.
They still need to walk in land.
They still need to walk in.
Exactly.
Let's just, I mean, I don't know who's on that raft,
but it's probably nobody good.
So let's go to the city.
Shall we run to the city?
Yeah, I like that idea.
But like calmly.
Yeah.
Just in case they like have.
Frolic, yeah.
Let us frolic through this field.
Oh, that sounds like a delight.
They think we're doing something dangerous.
So just like really happily,
joyfully run to the city.
I grab some wildflowers as I skip through the field.
I can give some music with the dagger while we frolic.
No, you leave that dagger.
No, no, I think we're okay.
Okay, all right, all right, I'm sorry.
It's just going to draw attention to ourselves.
Okay, I got it.
Okay, you pick, Daisy says you frolic.
Yep.
And you are quickly running or.
Frolicing.
Frolicing towards the city.
You get near the edge of the city and you hear like a whistle.
And then.
Guys, that sounds a lot like a.
Oh, right behind you.
The ground explodes with magical energy that washes out.
Everybody make a dexterity saving throw.
I just thought to myself, time to redeem yourself dice.
When it rolled me a five.
Oh, solid redemption.
Six.
Everybody except Glim are knocked forward and you are going to.
Wait, hold on.
But is the daisy chain that I put around my head knocked off of me?
No, no, but you're all going to take four bludgeoning damage.
It's awfully steep for just falling forward.
I mean, it's the explosion behind you more than anything.
I'm still standing up, so can I be like, we're not.
Hello, we're not, we're not dangerous.
Did it come from the direction of the city?
It came from the direction of the boat.
Okay, just kidding.
I don't do any of that.
I thought you meant it came from the city and landed behind us.
No, you hear as a loud projection of voice that says, grew, we're coming.
Where are brothers?
They were supposed to be with you.
I say a little bit too loudly because, you know, the explosion.
All those brothers sound the same.
We have a very particular speech set.
Your brothers, your brothers, they're headed back.
They said everything's fine.
We're all cool now.
They've taken the other way home.
Deception roll.
19 plus.
Nine.
28.
They took the other way home.
Yeah, you know, the other way home.
That's all they said.
They said the long way.
I don't know what that means.
What am I to say?
So they settled the debts then?
You're good?
That's what they said.
I don't know why you're shooting at us.
We're just, look, we're just frolicking.
We weren't even running.
We're just going to this town.
Let's see your toes.
Okay.
Here's my toe.
Here's my other toes.
Oh, but I gave them the thing back.
They said, oh, I see what you're saying.
Yeah, that's too many toes.
We're going to have to come in.
I see what you're saying now.
No, no, I think he said 12.
I actually have 12 toes.
I hold up bread.
They took two.
I was born with webbed feet.
I got 12 toes actually.
And they took two.
Look, they're gone.
You see them crawling or climbing out of the boat.
Deception roll on your webbed toes.
It's not going to hold for the first one.
17 plus nine.
26.
You see them kind of standing and talking to each other,
being like, did he have webbed toes?
I don't know if he had a webbed toes.
My whole family has webbed toes.
Every right guys, everyone knows that.
I have toast right here.
I'm still holding up bread.
You see one of them reach into the boat
and check his ledger book.
It says, you put down here when we talked to you last
as you had 10 toes.
Well, you know, I'm always embarrassed by it.
It's like a family secret.
It's embarrassing to have 12 toes.
You see one of them, the guy holding the book,
kind of put it up and lean on the boat.
The other one walks over with his hands up.
He's stepping towards you.
He's like, look, we just want to talk now.
You're trying to pull the wool over eyes about your toes.
You're not pulling the wool.
How far is it to the city?
I mean, you could book it and get there
in about, you know, five minutes.
And how close are they?
Well, he's at the river bed.
So were you, I mean, you were probably
kind of veering off the river.
I mean, if we are all moving the same distance,
I don't see how he could catch us.
Unless he's much faster.
Unless he's much faster than us.
What do you want here?
He's walking towards you, hands up.
Oh yeah, I'd like to stand up.
Did you guys get up?
And I hold my toast in my hands
because I still can't hear very well.
I'm like, listen, you can have all the toasts you want.
I'll back up a little bit as I yell my face.
It was a big lead up to some robot noises.
Now we're just the middle.
And now you guys know Russ really is a robot.
It's true.
Malfunction, sorry.
Shutting down.
This is the middle where we tell you
how awesome you are and thank you
very much for listening.
We really appreciate you being here with us.
You are awesome.
And you look great today.
I know a lot of people are struggling
with their quarantine hair, but yours looks great.
It's really shiny.
It's slapping or whatever Carla said earlier.
Oh dear.
Yeah, it slaps.
Slaps, it slaps.
Yeah, it's so good.
Welcome to the middle where we know all the teens speak.
We're just, we slap.
You can catch Amy on TikTok.
Oh, no, you can't.
But what else do we do here?
You know what else slaps.
You know what else slaps?
Patreon, supporting the podcast you love.
If you can, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
You can come join our lovely
and wonderful community over there.
They are absolutely all the best people
and we would love to have you there.
Right now we're trying to work towards our next goal,
which includes some extra bonus content
and maybe me singing some songs.
Not maybe, we're going to reach that goal.
Russ is going to sing those songs.
This is the power of positive thinking.
This is the power of positive thinking.
I'm just going to secret the shit out of this.
Just need a few more patrons and it's going to happen.
That's right.
It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.
And if when is maybe like not now for you,
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You can still join us in a couple of really fun places,
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Sure.
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It's a whole bunch of people who love D&D
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So you can join us there.
Or we have a Discord
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memes, pets, general conversations,
lots of good food.
Pictures, a lot of food.
Yeah, it's a lot of food lately.
Everybody's stuck at home cooking good food.
Well, what is great though is it develops,
it like fosters a real feeling of we're like in this together
because one person posts a recipe
and then everybody else is like,
Dutch baby pancakes.
Yeah, the Dutch baby pancake craze.
If you would like to revolutionize your breakfast game.
Oh my God.
We make it once a week.
Go check out our Discord.
I maybe like it every two weeks
just because I don't want to like play it out.
But there's only two in your house though,
with three of us here is once a week.
With some leftovers.
So good.
But you just feel like,
and then everyone's posting like I had to try it.
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It's just a real nice community of folks.
So you can find both of those links,
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Discord you have to find down in the description
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Ooh.
That's right.
But that's down there.
We want to send a big thank you to Sean Howard
from The End of Time and Other Bothers,
Alba Salix and The Civilized Podcast
for joining us in this episode
and the one previous in this storyline.
Playing as Gru with that singing dagger
that was provided by one of our patrons, Cathy.
So thank you Cathy for that.
And thank you Sean.
Go check out all of his podcasts.
So great.
Both of them, Cathy and Sean.
Yeah, both delightful.
Top notch.
And that's it for now.
We'll get you back to the episode.
Thanks for being here with us.
Hopefully you're safe and fun and having a good time.
Love you, bye.
Okay, love you, bye.
Bye.
Are we letting him approach or are we running?
What are we doing?
Well, I think Gru is backing up as quickly as he's approaching.
Okay.
So everybody, he's just like,
everybody just needs to remain calm.
I don't know who you threes are.
We'll take a toe tally in a little bit.
Yeah, they like to keep their toes.
Hey, I'm calm.
Are you calm?
Are you calm?
I'm calm.
You can have all my toast and I start to throw him
any scraps of bread that I have.
Why is he throwing bread at me?
Those are his grandmother's toast.
I don't know.
He's crazy.
He's crazy.
You don't want to mess with him.
Is your dagger on your hip or is it concealed?
I have no idea.
It's probably not concealed.
Okay.
I mean, he gets, he's walking and he's kind of...
And we're backing up.
Yeah.
Okay.
You're backing up.
He's like, which dagger you got there, buddy?
I just, just my normal dagger.
I gave the other dagger to them.
Just pull it out.
And if it doesn't sing, we don't got any problems.
So I like lift it up with the sheath.
I'm like, look, it's all good.
Put it back.
You got to take it out of the sheath.
And if it doesn't sing, we don't got problems.
I grew turns and runs.
Oh, buddy.
He begins running towards you, running after you.
What are the three of you doing?
Maybe just stepping to the side.
Yeah.
I was also thinking the same thing.
I was like, well, maybe I just move
and let him like, you know, create a path for them to run through.
The one pursues on foot.
He's a little bit faster than grew
because he's a much larger man.
I wonder what this takedown is going to look like.
Grew make a dexterity.
We are obviously not heroes yet.
Acrobatics or dexterity.
But who's that?
He stole from them.
It's not like he is.
None of these people are good.
Who are we saving?
I don't know.
If anything, they're the wronged party.
He stole from them and the other brothers are dead.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This doesn't look good.
You see the other guy at the boat get back into the boat
and begin moving further down the river.
The man is gaining on grew as grew is just fucking booking it
towards the city.
You see up in the like the the the wall,
you see sentries or guards kind of pacing back and forth,
watching this exchange as this man is running away from this
much larger man and the brother just before he gets there,
his foot snags in a hole and he falls
but just grabs the edge of like the shirt collar of grew.
Make a dexterity saving throw grew.
Okay.
That would be a plus six would be an 18.
You feel his big pawed hand grab the back of your collar
and pull back.
You've got two choices here.
You can let him take you down or you can lose your jacket.
Who's in the jacket?
As I'm screaming up to the guards,
The Huns!
They're invading!
Hun invaders!
They're invading!
You see them raise their spears and crossbows
as you are screaming towards your jacket slips off your arms.
I'm from the nearest village!
They've killed everyone!
You see grew run into the city
and is intercepted by guards who kind of grab him
and take him off to the side.
And I'm pointing.
What do you three do?
How long do you think we have to wait
before then we go into the city
so we don't seem like we're a part of this?
Is there another entrance?
Maybe we could just walk around
and then like come at it from a different side.
Yeah, I mean, I think you've got the right idea.
We don't want them to think we're involved
with that whole situation.
No, this is real messy.
It's bringing a lot of negative energy.
Yeah.
We want to approach more calmly,
ask some questions, maybe get a map, eat some food.
So just I say let's casually walk around the wall
and see if there's another entrance.
Okay, you casually walk around.
You see the one brother who tripped,
grab the jacket and begins running back towards the boat.
You see a couple of crossbow bolts go wide
as he climbs back in
and they start heading back down the river.
You find another entrance and you enter into the city
and you see a big sign as you enter
and it says Burdusk.
It's a very busy town.
There's lots going on as you walk through this market
and the further in you get,
you hear a familiar voice call out to you
who is surrounded by three guards.
Yeah, that's them.
That's the other villages that survived,
escaped from the hunt attack right there.
That's them.
And I kind of look behind us like
back there, over there.
Glam, Glam, Sully, yeah, that's him right there.
You see one of the guards like gesture to you three
and like motion to Gru for confirmation
that those are the three he's talking about.
Yeah, I don't know how to make this any more obvious.
I know you're not paid a lot, you know,
and I know it's not like you're high up or anything,
but that's them.
He nods and he walks over to you three
and he says, excuse me, sorry to bother you.
Do you know this man?
The one who's yelling a lot and gesturing or wildly
like he's had maybe ingested some sort of like
hallucinogen or something.
Oh, we did.
Remember we saw that those mushrooms in the forest
and you said, I know a lot about,
about mycology and about mushrooms
and these ones are really poisonous
and they make you act totally crazy.
Maybe he had some of those.
Oh, could have been.
But you do know him.
Oh, no, no.
Okay.
No, we don't know him.
Somebody make a deception roll.
That'll be me.
I don't know why I just said that.
Do we trust Amy with daring choice?
Yeah.
I'm good with persuasion, but not deception.
Deception is a plus four.
Well, that's only a 13.
He looks at you and says, okay, well, sorry to bother you.
That's all right.
I just hope he gets a helping hand.
Yeah.
We'll try and figure out where he needs to be.
I guess.
Is there a doctor maybe if he's feeling unwell?
Maybe an asylum or something that he could go into.
It's a possibility.
He walks back over and says, all right, buddy,
they say they don't know you.
As soon as he starts walking back over,
that's when Gru runs for it.
Which way are you running?
Just anywhere away from the guards.
In a serpentine type pattern maybe.
The guard turns around and kind of shakes his head
towards the other two guards who then turn to look back
at Gru who has bolted.
He's gone.
You see just the edge of his shirt,
because he doesn't have a jacket anymore,
the edge of his shirt kind of fly up around a corner.
And that's the last you see of Gru.
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Okay, yeah, figured.
All right.
Okay, I mean, Mood, Glim, you guys,
any suggestions here?
Yep, said the wrong names.
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